It's History

Does anyone remember when the History Channel had shows about history?  There used to be a show called Modern Marvels (since moved to another channel) that was good, but they ran out of modern I guess, the last episode I remember was "Modern Marvels- Ancient Weapons" which brought on a face palm moment here in the Well Armed Bunker Complex.

Okay, Pawn Stars and American Pickers, maybe.  Stories about garage sale junk is almost history, at least for the double wide class. What I'm really getting at, though, is paranormal bullshit. UFO shows, Bigfoot, Monster Quest, Nostradamus and other things that appeal to people who have IQs usually associated with a box of hammers. One of the things that really irks me is these shows make "experts" out of people so dumb they have to wear penny loafers because they can't always be relied upon to tie their laces.

Case in point, the fucktard above. His name is Giorgio Tsoukalos and that is not a rabid hedgehog on his head, it's his hair.
Giorgio has been the director of Erich von Däniken's Center for Ancient Astronaut Research for over 12 years, and has appeared on The Travel Channel, The History Channel, the Sci-Fi Channel, the National Geographic Channel, as well as Coast to Coast AM, and is a consulting producer of the television series Ancient Aliens.  He's the world's Bull Goose Looney of why everything, and I mean everything, is because of Ancient Aliens.  Fuck, the reason you like that thing your girlfriend does when she wants to wake you up in the middle of the ...oh, well, you know, that's because Ancient Aliens programmed humans to like that.  Really.

Anyhow, in the commercial for the trash of a show he's appearing on this week,  he said something truly stupid. In essence, he is astonished that "The Ancient Mayans had a calender that is just as accurate as the Naval Observatory's Nuclear Clock!"
Well gee willikers Sparky.  The Navy has 365.242199 days a year, just like...THE MAYANS! It must be Ancient Aliens!
Anyone with enough sense to figure out Google can find out that in fact, the Mayans were almost (not quite) as accurate as the Gregorian Calender that we've been using since 1582, developed by the Catholic Church. The Popes over the years have been such big fans of real astronomy that they persecuted Galileo as a heretic and didn't get around to admitting he was right until the early Nixon Administration.

Shit like this is ruining civilization.  This mental case and dozens of others equally reality challenged are passing into pop culture as real life "Experts" and no one on these "Science Shows" ever points out the absolutely stupid shit they say isn't, well, true.  It sounds good.  They use a lot of big words.  And another urban legend becomes the Gospel Truth because it was on TV and you can even look it up on the Internet! Giorgio appears to the audience as a true and gifted scholar instead of the addled idiot he really is. I can't help but think of a line from Arlo Guthrie, "it's amazing that someone can sing a song this dumb, for that long. It's really amazing that someone can make a living singing a song this dumb".

But I guess I shouldn't complain. I'm a history geek, and hardly expect the general public to understand or know things about which I've spent my whole life studying. But when the History Channel does every once in a while do real history, they fuck that up too.  I love the Civil War so much I moved to Gettysburg Pennsylvania for part of the year now and soon full time.  As such, I can be reasonably expected to have a little more insight into what may be the most important battle in US History.  The History Channel did a show on it last year, a real stinker.  I mean, yes, every fact presented in the show was more or less true, at least open to discussion.  Good enough as far as it goes.  But they did a 2 hour special on the Battle of gettysburg without mentioning Reynolds, Buford, Longstreet, Picket's Charge and only passingly mentioned Robert E Lee, George Mead.  Not a word about Little Round Top, the Irish Brigade....  it's kind of like doing a show on Prohibition without mentioning bootleggers.

That's enough of today's rant, but fair warning to the Ghosthunters of the Adams Country Paranormal Society, I'm gonna go off on you someday soon.  I'm just not in town right now and tossing bombs from 400 miles away wouldn't be manly.  I may even, in the interest of fairness, invite one of you to respond.

So, in closing, remember, stupid is contagious, and in a fair world we'd be able to smack the shit out of one every day, just for our own comfort.  And Arlo, I have never thought you were dumb even if my ex wife had her doubts.