Oh Hell, just dive in.

Most people think I'm a nice guy.  I chew with my mouth closed, say "yes sir/ma'am" never raise my voice and would never embarrass you in front of others.
That's not the guy writing this.  You want him ya gotta come see me live, tickets available at TicketMaser blah blah blog.

This is the things I think about saying, want to say, fantasize about saying or doing but am prevented from acting upon because, well, you go around slapping the everloving shit out of even stupid people and eventually you'll get arrested.  I know, it's hard.

I'm not exactly modest, so I'll  go ahead and say it, I'm probably smarter than you.  Before you get all butthurt about what an arrogant SOB I am (BTW, Guilty) all that really says is, I'm smarter than average.  I went to school on scholarships and I don't play ball, figure it out.  And sense I'm having little adventures in what I wish it was acceptable to say out loud, let's just say I'm talking about the stupid people here anyway.  You know them, they invested the kids college fund in Beanie Babies, talked the relatives into dumping the 401(K) and buying Iraqi Dinars, the sell fucking Amway.  We all have them in our lives, none of us can have them sterilized to protect the gene pool.

So without further ado, today's rant...

There is nothing that so offends the beauty of our existence than a woman who isn't as hot as she thinks she is.  I work with one, who is typical of the type.  She wears skin tight polyester clothes.  I know about her tatoos in naughty places because her damn pants are that tight.  The problem is, she's 20 years and 30 pounds past the outfits she's wearing and honestly it's enough to put you off your lunch.  Kids, it's never good for women (hell, men either) to be wearing provocative clothes to work.  No upside.  If she's just butt ugly, it ruins your whole day and if you're like me kind of makes you afraid of the dark.  If she's hot, even worse, cause we all know it's hard to go all day without at least furtively checking out what the little hottie in payroll wore today and that's gonna get you in trouble with the snotty HR girl someday.
To the girls who think dressing like a pornstar on the red carpet at Adult Film Awards even though she looks like she should be in a Jenny Craig "before" picture, your husband may think you look hot in that outfit with the bare midriff but only because he knew you when you might have been, to the rest of us, you're just making the world a little more dreary, so go home and put some clothes on.  Please.